True colours

Over the past six months or so, since my wife’s cancer diagnosis, I’ve come to realize something interesting. When you go through something life changing, wether for better or for worse, you will see people’s true colours come out. And I have to admit, I was both amazed and appalled.

The first person I told about my wife’s illness, was my sister. She has never really been close to my wife, but they get along. She sent a beautiful care package, filled with thoughtful gifts and uplifting words. It was wonderful.

A friend of ours, someone we’ve know for over 15 years, came to stay with us. She helped me take of my wife when she was not doing so well after chemo. This friend has continued to come and stay with us for a few days every couple of weeks to help me out and be there for both of us. This was truly amazing because we had just recently reconnected with this friend, after a 4 year spell of not speaking.

A friend of mine, that I’ve known for over 16 years, has been in touch regularly. We haven’t seen each other in many years, but she is still there for me if I need her.

Another friend of mine, someone I was close to recently, someone who always said she’d be there for us, disappointed me. When I needed someone the most, she wasn’t there anymore. I’m not one to reach out for help. I’d like to think, if you care and you’re my friend, you’re going to check in from time to time. But not her, it hurt me a lot. I decided this was not the kind of friend that I wanted in my life and I have since stopped talking to her. Maybe that seems harsh, but watching my wife suffer and being helpless to help her and not knowing how long she has, has been the scariest and most painful experience in my life, and I was/am in need of a friend. Friends are supposed to be there through the good and the bad as far as I’m concerned.

We experienced a few other friends who acted similarly.
But most recently, I was blown away by the thoughtfulness and generosity of a friend of mine. Actually she was my first girlfriend. I don’t like to call her my ex, because we were so young when we were together, and she is married with children now. She doesn’t hold that “ex girlfriend” cliché in my eyes, she’s a friend, and a good one at that!
Anyway, I sent her an email recently and told her what was going on. A few days later a package arrived for my wife. It was filled with wonderful gifts that made my wife light up with happiness. It actually brought tears to my eyes. I found it to be such a wonderful gesture. I don’t know if she realizes how much that gesture was appreciated.

It’s never easy to find out bad news regarding a friend, no one wants to know the horrible details. But if you tell a friend that you’ll always be there for them, make sure you mean it. Because when you don’t, or you flake out last minute because you can’t handle it, just know, it hurts the friend that needs you.
I take my friendships seriously, I only have a handful of good friends, but I’ll be there for them at the drop of a hat.

Several people surprisingly disappointed me, but several more blew me away. I guess you can’t predict how people will react during tough times, you just have to hope you’ve got good people around you.